Over the years, I've made some bold predictions about a number of Australian players and teams that have gone to battle in Cricket, and for most part I've been pretty much on the money, but one that I got wrong was Andrew Symonds, whose selection so angered me that I contemplated boycotting watching the games. Now, although the Australian team may not have felt my wrath had I carried out my threat, I was still pissed that Symonds got the call, and even when he single-handedly saved Australia from an embarrassing exit, I wasn't particularly contrite.
However, this world cup squad that has been assembled really fills me with dread, and I'm hoping that my doomsday blog entry will be enough to enrage the sporting gods and reverse our fortunes, which recently has been mired between 'downright putrid' and 'fucking awful'. So without further ado, onto my thoughts about the farcical squad that's been named to defend our title over there in the Carribean.
Ricky Ponting (Captain)
Arguably the finest batsman in the world, an improving Captain and a brilliant fielder.
Nathan Bracken
Averages around 22 with the ball in ODI's, but needs to stop being belted for six with rank full-tosses when the game's to be one. Selects himself with his average, but a little overated.
Stuart Clark
I'm still not sure why this guy didn't go New Zealand, perhaps he's seen as being too predictable?! At least he can land the ball within 4 feet of where he's aiming, the same can't exactly be said for the other Australians who were masquerading as bowlers in the 'Hadlee-Chappell' series, or whatever the hell it was.
Michael Clarke
It would be nice if Clarke could stand up for a change and show some consistency. With Martin out of the way, he's an automatic selection, but might actually need to get his act together and take the next step.
Adam Gilchrist
I would have personally induced his wife to make sure he was on the plane and available for the whole tournament.
Brad Haddin
I met this guy at the 'Embankment Walkabout' and he was a tool. He pulled the 'I play for Australia' card when I opined aloud that I thought Brett Lee was a wanker. When I informed him that I didn't really care who he was, he proceeded to show me his drivers license! Tool! Australian selectors, hang your head, wasted selection.
Matthew Hayden
Pretty safe selection, the type of guy that can win a game for you. 181* wasn't a bad knock, showed that there's 'still stuff left in the basement'.
Brad Hodge
I'll be honest here, Hodge gives me the absolute shits! He's batted 13 times; 2 x ducks, 4 scores under 10, 12, 13, 22, 49, 59, 97* & 99*. He'll either fail big time, or go close to winning a match. Seems like a poor man's Andrew Symonds to me, what's the point?
Brad Hogg
Even though he looks like 'MacGuyver' who I went to university with, I can't handle this selection. Yeah, he's not a bad fielder, he can swing the bad, he's not awful with the ball, but at 36 and with no real match-winning dynamic in his bones, he seems like another wasted selection.
Mike Hussey
All hail the great man! Pity he had to lead the rabble in New Zealand, but I guess someone had to. He didn't deserve that 'honour', it should have gone to Chris Matthews or someone.....
Mitchell Johnson
Everyone's in love with left armers and although he bowled alright in the Champions Trophy, I don't think 4-226 in his last four matches (incl. 3-81 off 10 in his last match) indicate that he's at the peak of his powers. If it does, then we're really screwed. Again, 8.1 runs an over in his last game, 1-145 the previous 3 games.
Glen McGrath
I'll be honest, I didn't agree with his selection initially, but given the efforts shown by the rest of our bowling stocks, I think he's got to be in there.
Andrew Symonds
I've written him off before in the world cup, and I'll think I'll do it again, hopefully with similar results! He's been pretty ordinary with the bat for over 12 months needs to deliver, but he is probably Australia's best fieldsman and is a handy bowler, so a no-brainer selection.
Shaun Tait
I met him at the 'Walkabout' with Haddin, and he wasn't nearly as bad a bloke as Haddin! I think he's a little bit too raw, but one of the few who might cause some problems on West Indian pitches. When I saw his selection, I almost threw up, but not it's a little more palatable (his selection, not my vomit).
Shane Watson
I'll be surprised if he doesn't get injured between now and the world cup, I'm sure that his bones are made of chalk! He's been touted as the saviour of Australian cricket for the last two years.... perhaps the world cup is his opportunity. Then again, with returns of 2-88 off of ten overs in his last hit out, probably not!
Diabolical selections...
Brad Haddin
Brad Hogg
Mitchell Johnson
Borderline at best...
Brad Hodge
Shaun Tait
Gutted to be injured...
Brett Lee
A third of the squad questionable, with three players seemingly completely out of their depth!
What's 'tall poppy' syndrome anyway??
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2 comments:
It's all very well slagging off the players who were selected, but you've got to suggest reasonable alternatives that they could have picked. What other spinner other than Hogg is there? Hauritz? At least Hogg can bat. Would you have preferred White to Watson? Hilfenhaus to Johnson? He had one good game in the 20-20, is that enough? Who instead of Haddin?
Part of my rationale was based more on reverse psychology, because I truly believe that I have the ability to change sporting fortunes purely by select someone in a fantasy team (so they get injured - and they do) or having them play the game/series of their lives.
Hogg was a 'safe' selection because he's experienced and is fairly reliable and that's why he's been taken ahead of Craig White, who is probably one of the top 5 pure hitters in the game. Sure, he got spanked in NZ, but who didn't?!
I'd have left Tait in, because his pace and height are probably enough on their own to warrant a spot.
As far as Haddin's concerned, I'm not being particularly objective - given the fact that the guy REALLY is a total tool - but we have a plethora of options; Luke Ronchi and Tim Payne (big hitters, and in that order) or Crosthwaite & Hartley, but I wouldn't push for them ahead of Haddin. To succinctly answer, I'd go for Luke Ronchi.
Got to leave Watson in, think it's a no-brainer really.
Hilfenhaus' was arguably the best domestic bowler in Australia, so he'd be the leading candidate, if not for the left-armer obsession.
I'd actually have liked to see Darren Lehmann get a run, but we all know that was never going to happen!
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