Barking at 'The Dog'

The 'Spotted Dog' in Willesden Green is like a poor man's Church, it's a pub that masquerades as a club, where at 11pm on the dot, the bouncers muster up all the miscreants in attendance and ship them downstairs to 'Sindrome', which is a large cavernous place with a stage that has been known to remind some of an aircraft hanger, although I've been told by a 'reliable source' that it was originally a 'stable', but it's all relative....what with the 'reliable source' being the guy that was convinced that I was from 'The Boyscouts of America', and all. 'The Dog' was apparently going to be the scene for the night's festivities, and as CBJ arrived late to see the rest of the squad, it was obvious that DJD, TheKid and MBC were up for a big'un, with the pre-departure drinks in full swing and some really irresponsible use of electric clippers underway! Fortunately, DJD had the digicam, and there's some photographic evidence of some male Brazilian preparation! Shit, that's not fortunate at all, what am I saying here?!?! Anyway, the most apt thing was that Rodriguez - the Brazilian housemate - apparently found the remains, well funny for those arriving late on the scene, and with no real sense of humour, to at least note the chronicler.

With clipper-action out of the way, and substantial beer, bacardi and makers mark consumed, the quartet were off to The Dog, with TheKid a distant last in the sobriety stakes, but looking to cover some ground nonetheless! The initial sortie passed with no lasting injuries, and then - as the clock chimed 11pm - it began! The happenings at The Dog are like Nascar, there's just a heap of trailor-park-dwellars watching better attired dwellars jostle for position in the hope of taking the podium. Recently I read on ESPN.com that at the last Nascar race, a chick came fourth....very apt when you come to think about it, pardon the pun!

Anyway, the lads were off, with TheKid covering more territory than Burke and Wills, and doing a mighty fine job in imitating their staggering last few steps. The fact he kept this up for a number of hours is but a tribute to the great man! DJD was busting moves and getting 'in' with the local DJ (again) and CBJ and MBC were taking wagers on who would find Ubiquitous Nick first. The early rounds were very interesting, with previous track records being brought back into conversation, making DJD the early - and perennial favourite - causing additional wagers from the C&M, not that anything could stop TheKid, who had covered 304kms by 1am.

But then it went all pear-shaped, with some stalker chick on the scene, dogging (as in annoying, not what you're assuming) the smeg out of the lads! TheKid then seemingly got caught up with one of David Copperfield's tricks and vanished, and MBC spotted Ubiquitous Nick before CBJ! If ever there was a time for an ominous foreshadowing, then this was surely it. CBJ in one of the less intelligent moments in his not-so-intelligent life then told a burly skin-headed queue jumper what he thought of queue jumpers, and all hell broke loose...

CBJ:- Dude, that's shithouse! It's not like I've been here for five minutes or anything!
SHQJ:- What do you mean? (in a thick scottish accent)
CBJ:- I mean a 'queue' is just that, and surely there's some social etiquette left amongst us?
SHQJ:- Right! That's it, you're having a Tequila!!!
CBJ:- Umm, no! Fight me or something, it will do less damage!
SHQJ:- Barman, make that 5 Tequilas.

There was no coming back from this point, and the initial - and subsequent - Tequilas did little apart from form the foundation of one of the greatest hurls in hurling history! Such was the case that CBJ is expected to be playing at Croke Park next season.

With TheKid out of the picture, the three remaining meandered off to Huddlestone, with 4 people in tow, to share in the 'free alcohol' that was supposedly to be found in abundance at #31.
It's rather uncanny that when a nightspot closes down, the promise of 'free alcohol' can often lead to some interest, so the G7 meandered back to polish off what the remaining 3 shots of alcohol on the house! Abundance!!!

But then the 'obvious foreshadowing' really kicked in, and CBJ, recognising his plight, made a pre-emptive strike, in all it's stomach wrenching glory! DJD, who for some inexplicable reason stayed vigilent throughout the performance rated it as 'one of the most disgusting things ever', but being pre-emptive, everyone was a winner and with some basic housekeeping, it was good as gold!

If there was more to tell, then any omission is purely because it would be heresay, but MBC and the visitors wandered off - in search of TheKid, perhaps - DJD retired to his room, and CBJ did what he tends to do these days, very bloody little!