Apparently Chelsea is a very nice place, with some really chic places to hang out in, and rather than give the impression that I have an issue with Chelsea (the place), let's get it straight from the outset, my 'beef' is with the football club.
Admittedly, this 'broadside' will no doubt be put down to jealously from any Chelsea fans, but I'm not in the least bit jealous about their method in obtaining the glory, because teams like Manchester United (and all the top Spanish and Italian teams for that matter) have been doing it for years, but Roman Abramovich has just made it so 'in your face', that it's finally got to a stage where people from all quarters are really looking to de-value Chelsea's success on the back of the insane money that Abramovich is throwing into the ring to purchase a few trophies.
So let's count out four of the best reasons about Chelsea:
- John Terry
- Jose Mourinho
- Mateja Kezman
- The 'scapegoat' effect
John Terry:-
Don't get me wrong, he is one of the finest English defenders in the game today, and if it wasn't for the two best English central defenders of the last ten years (Campbell & Ferdinand) he'd be a total no-brainer to hold the key defensive spot, and I wont deny that, but my dislike of John Terry is not based on his skill, it's on who he thinks he is.
Tell me this, who the fuck is this guy? And why has he suddenly become the media darling that he is? I need to know this! This year - whilst riding on Roman's gravy train - he's suddenly become an outspoken wanker who seemingly has a fucking opinion about everything, few of which are at best plausible.
Every morning, when getting the tube to work, I read the local free London rag (the 'Metro') and without fail, there's always some dickhead comment by John Terry in there, with a reference to 'Captain Couragous' or some other bullshit monikor. It really gives me the shits!
Fair enough, he's about the only decent Chelsea player that's graduated from the lower ranks, and on the field, he is an exceptional player; as such he's to be afforded some leeway. However, I'd argue that any token leeway has now been used up, and the actuality of the situation requires the media place a gag on this dimwitted fool.
This morning's 'Terry-ism' had him not only whinging about Michael Ballack apparently taking a dive, but yet another Chelsea anti-referee crybaby effort. This is just a team of fucking wimpy upstarts and UEFA need to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING about them. It's pretty evident that Chelsea have no problems in paying fines, and it doesn't take any degree of intelligence to figure out that their demeanour is only going to get worse unless they are put back in their place.
Then again, maybe the press are just making John Terry a media darling because he sounds more switched on than that dumb fuck Rio Ferdinand....if so, it's still no excuse!
John Terry, you are a fuckin' wanker!
Jose Mourinho
The guy can coach, and from all accounts, his training sessions are ran like clockwork, and he ensures a consummately professional environment, but fuck him! He's just a manipulative fuck, it's as simple as that. Seeing the bullshit that went on after the first leg against Barcelona Mourinho pulled his spoiled-brat-crybaby routine, and fabricated enough bullshit to whip the English media and dumbarse Chelsea fans into a state of frenzy, which not too surprisingly led to Anders Frisk pulling the pin, on the basis of receiving death threats.
I'm not for one minute accusing Mourinho of wanting death threats to result from the process, but it's pretty plain to see that he wanted to focus enough spotlight on UEFA and the refereeing in general, in order to force UEFA's hand. It certainly worked, and although some may claim that this reaffirms his 'success' or some other such horseshit, I maintain that it reaffirms how much of a cock the guy is!
Of course, it doesn't end here! With a 'radical' two match UEFA ban, our little crybaby Mourinho decides to 'boycott' the match, citing (or pulling the press puppet strings) a total disappointment in Chelsea in not appealing against the ban. Once again, the marionnette effort works, and suddenly he's getting offered an extra £20,000 a week to stay on....fuck me!
Jose Mourinho, you are an arseclown! Sure, you can manipulate like few others, but an arseclown you remain!
Mateja Kezman
So let me get this straight... you play for Chelsea, you have a midfield consisting of Lampard, Cole, Duff, Geremi, Makelele, Tiago, Parker and Arjen Robben and you're not scoring goals? Are you fucking kidding me? No really! You must be kidding?! The only goals that Kezman can score at this club are the goal-line skirmishes from a foot, and these are far too few and far between for a 'top level striker' which I think he's loosely been called in the past.
What I think seriously happened here was that Mateja Kezman was killed in some Serbian conflict and PSV - realising their striker was no more - actually contacted Dylan Lewis (formally from ABC's 'Recovery') who had was trying to actually overcome his own death (career-wise), struck up an agreement, and was subsequently on-sold to Chelsea. Check out their profiles some time, and tell me it's not what happened. I would score more goals than Kezman if I played for Chelsea, and I'm certainly not the footballer that Dylan Lewis is. Shithouse!! Yet another quality Chelsea buy. Put him up there in the productivity stakes with Veron & Mutu!
The 'scapegoat' effect
This is more a jibe at the excuse that clubs can use in not winning the title than a direct go at Chelsea itself. Sure, with the purchases that have been made over the past two years, I could manage Chelsea to a few titles, and it's because of this that teams like Arsenal and Manchester United are able to divert attention away from why they've not got close to the title this season, and that rankles, it rankles deeply!
Then again they have certainly splashed out the cash, read it;
- £16,800,000 - Hernan Crespo
- £6,900,000 - Geremi
- £15,800,000 - Adrian Mutu
- £3,800,000 - Alexei Smertin
- £13,900,000 - Claude Makelele
- £7,000,000 - Wayne Bridge
- £17,000,000 - Damien Duff
- £6,000,000 - Glen Johnson
- £6,600,000 - Joe Cole
- £500,000 - Neil Sullivan (I bet this broke the bank)
- £12,500,000 - Juan Sebastion Veron
- £10,000,000 - Scott Parker
- £19,850,000 - Ricardo Carvalho
- £24,000,000 - Didier Drogba
- £8,000,000 - Tiago
- £5,000,000 - Mateja Kezman
- £9,000,000 - Arjen Robben
- £9,000,000 - Petr Cech
- £13,200,000 - Paulo Ferreira
At the very least, £205,000,000 can add some depth to the squad, and it's obviously no surprise that the team is sitting 13 points clear of Manchester United and Arsenal, but it really annoys me that ManUre can - justifiably, no less - use this excuse, and get away with it, when in actual practice, it was Manchester United that have - relatively speaking - been the Chelski of the Premier League historically, and now that they're copping it on the Premiership front, it's easy for their failure to be hidden. Manchester United started this frenzy, but now the tables are turned as Malcolm Glazer's millions aren't as welcome at Old Trafford as Roman's mafia millions are at Stamford Bridge.
Funnily enough, the following players weren't free...
- £29,100,000 - Ruud van Nistelrooy
- £28,100,000 - Juan Sebastion Veron
- £30,000,000 - Wayne Rooney
- £12,850,000 - Louis Saha
- £7,050,000 - Alan Smith
- £3,500,000 - Eric Djemba Djemba
- £2,300,000 - Tim Howard
- £5,930,000 - Kleberson
- £12,240,000 - Christiano Ronaldo
- £6,900,000 - Gabriel Heinze
Yeah, £140M is substantially less than £205M and United purchased around 10 players (to Chelsea's ~20) but they rate far higher in terms of rubbish, so it's hardly fair just to go on about the Premiership being bought, particularly since their spending clip hasn't been historically lethargic. They've just been out-Manchestered!
But fuck I despise the way they can worm out of it now, and for this, I blame Chelsea. May all their fans, coaches and players get rotten cases of gonorrheia!!!
3 comments:
what's with all the nasty swear words?
and how dare you dis dylan lewis? the day i see kezman out front of the brown hornet i'll go 'he'.
That post was written by someone so confused, they don't know whether to scratch their watch or wind their ass.
Clearly, you spend way too much time in darkened rooms in front of your computer turning a whiter shade of pale.
Go outside once in a while and breathe, before your brain starts to rot from all that festering stagnation and cognitive dysfunction.
He uses those swear words because
they are fucken well neccessary you
incestuous cocksucking tosser.
His comments are right on the goddamn mark. Chelsea FC are the biggest bunch of arseholes since Man Utd last bought the league in the 90's.
It's a sad fact of life that these days hardly any Premiership teams actually pick any first team players that they themselves have brought up through the ranks via their own age group and academy sides.
All you need is to have some fucking billionaire turn up and go I'll have him, him , him, him and him and several months later you have yourself a trophy.
However as correctly pointed out by Chris this is not the only thing about Chelsea FC that makes them such a pile on the arse of English football.
Apparently along with the cash injection has come a new wankarse attitude and the best examples of this are indeed John Terry and fuckknuckle Mourinho.
I'm sorry but class players and managers are viewed as class because of their contrubutions to what happens on the field not because they have the biggest mouths or ego's. All that posing and spouting off off does is make them look like the fuckheads they are and detracts from the respect their abilities gained them in the first place.
Finally Chris is right on the money again when he points out that Man Utd should shut the fuck up and stop whinging about how unfair it is that Chelsea have bought the premiership this season. Now gee whiz who can I remember doing this in the 90's ??? Hmm oh that's right Man freaking Utd, gee how sorry do I feel for you, hmm NOT AT FUCKING ALL you hypocritical whingers.
Oh and did I mention that money may buy you a oremiership but it doesn't guarentee shit in European competition.
Go the Reds!, *You'll never walk alone"
I don't think I can agree with Mcleod enough on this issue. Mourinho is one of the finest managers the premiership has seen at a club with a never-ending bank account. I'd love to see how he would have went at Crystal Palace or Norwich.
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