As the leader of a once proud, fearsome and cutting-edge test nation, you are an utter joke and embarrassment! The West Indies were once a brilliant unit, excelling in all facets of the game, revolutionising each discipline with a basis of aggression, swagger and natural talent. Sure, the 1990's came along and you guys fell apart quicker than the plot-line for '2012', but that was inevitable, you can't stay on top of the world forever.
However, here we are in the 21st century, and the advent of 20/20 gives all those talent-less hacks an outlet to get a game, and in some sense, get one up over those with real skill, discipline and the needed attributes to do well in 'real' cricket, and it seems that this is where you've made your bed.
Now I realise that we must stick to our strengths, and being a lazy fucker like you are, test cricket really isn't going to suit your arrogance, flawed technical approach, and let's face it, your complete and utter fucking disregard for the game itself.
Your comments regarding the potential death of test cricket not worrying you was somewhat disturbing, but coming from a batting captain that can't even muster a 40+ test average, I'm not that surprised really. Let's face it, test cricket isn't for you, you need to bludgeon an attack into submission, and you're glaring deficiencies make you fodder for most part to a thinking bowler or captain, which is something that perhaps you need to learn from.
10 centuries in over 80 tests? Really? I think George Headley mustered 10 in 22/23 tests... but the game isn't about batting statistics or conversion rates.... actually, yes it is, it's about scoring more runs than the opposition, something that you're not very good at, well, not if compared to other test openers, but I won't dwell on your batting in the test arena, or I'll be here for too an extended period of time.
England once had a Captain called Mike Brearley, who actually averaged less than you as a batsman, which on the surface would put you ahead, though he was a 'Captain' not a 'loose-fucking-approximation-for-one' which is probably closer to the category we'd have to put you in, if we to label, which probably would be harsh. Anyway, Brearley understood tactics, field placements and even had the common sense to use his brain every now and then, but to be fair, Chris, you do look far cooler than him.
Now your captaincy, and indeed decision-making on the field is about as pretty as the WWII battle of Stalingrad, which - if you're not familiar with WWII (that's the Second World War, by the way) history - it was a pretty horrendous, bloody and costly battle. You have some pretty whacky field placements and although you don't have Marshall, Garner, Holding, Roberts, et al to distribute the bowling duties to, I'm sure that another captain (maybe even the Birregurra XI's Captain) could muster better results from.
Then again, you did use two referrals in the first test against Australia for LBW decisions, which I'd have found strange (well I would have found strange if it wasn't a self-serving arrogant cock like you) considering that in the first innings you were so dead plumb that both your pads and the non-striker were appealing, and in the second innings you shouldered arms and didn't attempt a shot. I think this could be called 'evidence' for that fact that you are not only an arrogant prat, but you're dead set dumber than a box of hammers!
Not content to leave things as they were, you continued to lounge around for over an hour (after your dismissal) wearing your pads. Why was that? Were you expecting a recall? Were you weighing up the idea of keeping, or merely conserving your energies in case you were to bat first in the second test? Honestly, frightening leadership!
It would be unfair to just leave this as a plain rant, because there's nothing that cries bitterness than an endless tirade or diatribe, and I'm a fair guy, so I'm going to give you your dues...
You do look cool, your shades, hair (head & facial) have been honed to a fine instrument of coolness and if I said I didn't dig, I'd be a hater, and that's one thing I'm not. Massive respect!
Anyway, please feel free to resign from the Captaincy, because let's face it, Ganga seemed to have a bond with his team in the 20/20 Champions League and players enjoyed playing with/for him, something that we're not in danger of seeing whilst you're leading the team. Also, don't mind us, if you want to leave test cricket and join the bashers, sloggers and containers of 20/20, I think I speak for most true cricket fans in saying from the heart, please feel free to fuck off.
Yours truly,
CricketLover
