Again, names are crucial.....

Eugene Arocca is not an appropriate name for a CEO of a footy club. North Mel, err, Kangaroos, you are doomed for more reasons than just a really, really fucking horrible playing list.

Eugene is a place in Oregon, it's not a name that kids should be saddled with!

AFL List issues....

For a laugh, I thought that I'd check the Richmond 2010 list and see just how ordinary it looked, and no surprise really to see that it resembled human refuse after a weekend at Oktoberfest!

The thing that struck me was the names of these sorry fucks - I think it's that simple! When you get a player like 'Jarred' Rooke changing his name to 'Max', you know it's because he thinks his own name is too soft and it's not suitable, but the Tigers... looking at their squad, all I can think is 'wow'!

Trent Cotchin - If your name's Trent, then you either were sent to a private school, were in a boy band, or wore baggy jeans and loved a skateboard.

Angus Graham - Continuing the fine tradition of AFL players called 'Angus'....

Dylan Grimes - Who calls their kids 'Dylan', and if for some reason you did, why?

Dustin Martin - Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Jordan McMahon - Chicks name - next!

Robin Nahas - Another chicks name!

Jayden Post - Hat-trick of chick names! Apart from losing, the first 3 in a row for Richmond.

Tyrone Vickery - Is this guy black? If not, needing to be inducted into Bill Simmons' 'Reggie Cleveland All-Stars'

Jeromey Webberly - Too many E's and Y's and massive errors in the spelling to begin with.

Two words sum up this list.

Fail & FAIL!!!

An open letter to Chris Gayle....

Dear Chris,

As the leader of a once proud, fearsome and cutting-edge test nation, you are an utter joke and embarrassment! The West Indies were once a brilliant unit, excelling in all facets of the game, revolutionising each discipline with a basis of aggression, swagger and natural talent. Sure, the 1990's came along and you guys fell apart quicker than the plot-line for '2012', but that was inevitable, you can't stay on top of the world forever.

However, here we are in the 21st century, and the advent of 20/20 gives all those talent-less hacks an outlet to get a game, and in some sense, get one up over those with real skill, discipline and the needed attributes to do well in 'real' cricket, and it seems that this is where you've made your bed.

Now I realise that we must stick to our strengths, and being a lazy fucker like you are, test cricket really isn't going to suit your arrogance, flawed technical approach, and let's face it, your complete and utter fucking disregard for the game itself.

Your comments regarding the potential death of test cricket not worrying you was somewhat disturbing, but coming from a batting captain that can't even muster a 40+ test average, I'm not that surprised really. Let's face it, test cricket isn't for you, you need to bludgeon an attack into submission, and you're glaring deficiencies make you fodder for most part to a thinking bowler or captain, which is something that perhaps you need to learn from.

10 centuries in over 80 tests? Really? I think George Headley mustered 10 in 22/23 tests... but the game isn't about batting statistics or conversion rates.... actually, yes it is, it's about scoring more runs than the opposition, something that you're not very good at, well, not if compared to other test openers, but I won't dwell on your batting in the test arena, or I'll be here for too an extended period of time.

England once had a Captain called Mike Brearley, who actually averaged less than you as a batsman, which on the surface would put you ahead, though he was a 'Captain' not a 'loose-fucking-approximation-for-one' which is probably closer to the category we'd have to put you in, if we to label, which probably would be harsh. Anyway, Brearley understood tactics, field placements and even had the common sense to use his brain every now and then, but to be fair, Chris, you do look far cooler than him.

Now your captaincy, and indeed decision-making on the field is about as pretty as the WWII battle of Stalingrad, which - if you're not familiar with WWII (that's the Second World War, by the way) history - it was a pretty horrendous, bloody and costly battle. You have some pretty whacky field placements and although you don't have Marshall, Garner, Holding, Roberts, et al to distribute the bowling duties to, I'm sure that another captain (maybe even the Birregurra XI's Captain) could muster better results from.

Then again, you did use two referrals in the first test against Australia for LBW decisions, which I'd have found strange (well I would have found strange if it wasn't a self-serving arrogant cock like you) considering that in the first innings you were so dead plumb that both your pads and the non-striker were appealing, and in the second innings you shouldered arms and didn't attempt a shot. I think this could be called 'evidence' for that fact that you are not only an arrogant prat, but you're dead set dumber than a box of hammers!

Not content to leave things as they were, you continued to lounge around for over an hour (after your dismissal) wearing your pads. Why was that? Were you expecting a recall? Were you weighing up the idea of keeping, or merely conserving your energies in case you were to bat first in the second test? Honestly, frightening leadership!

It would be unfair to just leave this as a plain rant, because there's nothing that cries bitterness than an endless tirade or diatribe, and I'm a fair guy, so I'm going to give you your dues...

You do look cool, your shades, hair (head & facial) have been honed to a fine instrument of coolness and if I said I didn't dig, I'd be a hater, and that's one thing I'm not. Massive respect!

Anyway, please feel free to resign from the Captaincy, because let's face it, Ganga seemed to have a bond with his team in the 20/20 Champions League and players enjoyed playing with/for him, something that we're not in danger of seeing whilst you're leading the team. Also, don't mind us, if you want to leave test cricket and join the bashers, sloggers and containers of 20/20, I think I speak for most true cricket fans in saying from the heart, please feel free to fuck off.

Yours truly,

CricketLover

Hmmmr

Just how bloody huge are Colin Farrell's eye-brows?!

Reunion

There's a country called 'Reunion' - I couldn't make this shit up!!!

Californication...

So I have this tendency not to watch TV anymore, aside from movies and sports, but this has a very obvious issue, I miss out on seeing good or funny TV.  In order to compensate I do these crazy-arsed marathons where I watch a shit-load of consecutive episodes to catch up.

I'm coming to the end of series two of 'Californication' which had one of the funniest sex dirty-talk exchanges I've seen, but that's not saying much because I haven't watched much porn, but hey ho.

"Fuck me like I'm Al Qaeda"

"I'm declaring Jihad on your pussy!"

Gotta love Duchovny as Hank Moody!  

We now need to see Gillian Anderson playing a schizophrenic midget stalker!

Age...

Age is merely a reference point for potential experience......

Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiping....................

It's not the journey that makes the individual, it's the individual that makes the journey, moreover it's the impact that the sum of both impart!

Hilarious....

So I'm checking out an old email account that I had back in the day - the day being when I used to throw a few words together in a charlatan's attempt at composing a blog and wowing the masses of internet freaks, err, folks with my scintillating banter and wit.

Obviously, these were heady days, and judging by my lack of posts over the last 18 months or so, I either got bored, or I lived off the gravy-train which my earlier posts precipitated.

Either way, it's pretty obvious that I'm full of shit - but that's hardly a startling revelation now!

Anyway, back to what I started on before tangenting.....which by the way, I'm extremely fond of.......

So I'm checking this old email address and I notice a couple of emails which were responses to my posts. Having a response in itself is fucking hilarious, and not usually because it's a friend belittling my literary prowess, but because some gimp is usually upset, taking things too seriously, or failing to understand the supreme intelligence that I possess.

Anyway, many moons ago I wrote a blog called "Little India" which centred on a particular London bus route and those that make use of it, with particular mention of the age of said commuters.

I got the following response posted:-

"Cant wait till you turn into an old, extremely ugly, whitish/mulitcoloured old freak and then we'll laugh as you crack your head open on you struggle weakly to get on on public transport....."

I read this and two words sprang to mind, they were "Fucking" and "Hilarious" although not necessarily capitalised, or at least that way.

Unfortunately, it was posted by 'Anonymous', so I'm not sure if it was my mother that posted it, but judging by the god-awful grammar, I'd doubt it was.

Now, I don't proof my own stuff and I have no real cares for it in this forum, unless of course you're going to flame someone, or attempt to flame someone, or - as the case may be here - make the poster almost piss himself laughing.

And since you've woken me from my 'literary' slumber, I thank you.